


Soul Ache

by daretoliveforever



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 08:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9170881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daretoliveforever/pseuds/daretoliveforever
Summary: When soulmates are apart from one another their body aches. It's not like the soreness of muscles Yuuri gets after he skates. Or the ache someone feels in their gut when they're hungry. No this ache is a pain that spreads across the body, affecting the mind. It can cause depression, anxiety, fear, and so much more when you are not beside your soulmate.It's an ache of the soul.Soulmate AU where a persons soul aches when they are apart from their soulmate.





	

When soulmates are apart from one another their body aches. It's not like the soreness of muscles Yuuri gets after he skates. Or the ache someone feels in their gut when they're hungry. No this ache is a pain that spreads across the body, affecting the mind. It can cause depression, anxiety, fear, and so much more when you are not beside your soulmate. 

It's an ache of the soul. 

Yuuri has dealt with a lot of soul symptoms.

He's used to it, but it still flares its ugly head and causes Yuuri a lot of trouble in his life.

The only time the ache eases, even slightly, is when he's watching Victor figure skate. He doesn't understand it. But all he knows it Victor is a remedy for his aching soul. This is why he plasters posters of Victor all across his room. It becomes his safe haven. The one place where he doesn't hurt so bad. 

When you're with your soulmate, your soul buzzes with life and strength. You feel like you can do anything and your whole body and mind feel at peace.

*

The first time Yuuri experience a soul ache, he was coloring at one of the tables in the main gathering room of his parent’s onsen.

Yuuri was coloring a picture of his family while listening to the chatter of the guests around him. One moment Yuuri was fine, he was smiling and humming to himself. The next moment, he had tears trailing down his cheeks as he clutched his chest.

It was his sister that noticed him first.

Yuuri didn’t remember much of what happened at first time. He knows that Mari had pulled him into a tight embrace, rubbing soothing circles into his back. He remembered seeing his parents looking at him with sad eyes and telling him that it’ll be alright.

Later on that evening, once Yuuri had calmed down, his parents sat him down and explained to him what happened earlier that day.

To a 4 year old boy, the idea of soulmates seemed silly.

He didn’t understand why he would feel pain all throughout his body just because his soulmate wasn’t with him.

He didn’t even like the idea of soulmates. Being destined to one person, being dependent of them just to ease his pain didn’t sit well with him.

Yet no matter how hard Yuuri tried to disprove what his parents said, he couldn’t deny the aching he felt deep within his tiny body.

*

Victor has always felt the ache. It never faded.

He never received many of the symptoms a lot of people get when waiting for their mates. Although he did feel an overwhelming, debilitating sense of fear that he would never free himself from the ache in his soul.

Victor struggles with bursts of anxiety that flare up, only to ease slightly when he steps on the ice.

Victor knows his soulmate is connected to the ice somehow. It's the only time Victor feels okay. The only time he doesn't fear anything, the anxiety disappears and he feels like he can take on the world.

-

When Victor was 5, he experienced his first soul ache.

Victor didn’t really know what was happening at first. He had been playing in a park, building a snowman with some of the neighborhood children. It was a beautiful day; the sky was clear and the air chilly. Victor had loved how the trees would sway gently with the breeze, snow drifting off the trees from the wind.

He had been happy.

Victor had been working of rolling the body of a snowman when his breathe caught in his throat. It was like he couldn’t breathe. There was an ache in his chest, an ache far worse than anything he had experienced.

Victor remembered running to his mother and clinging to her as if his life depended on it.

When she asked what was wrong, Victor wasn’t able to respond. All he was able to do was cling to his mother, his breath coming in short bursts of puffy smoke in the cold air.

His mother held onto him tightly.

He didn’t remember what happened after that. Somehow he had ended up back home, curled up in the warm blankets of his bed, with his mother smoothing his fine pale hair out of his eyes.

She explained to Victor that he had had a panic attack and then fainted while they were at the park.

Victor tried his best to explain what went through his mind when it happened.

The best he could tell her was that it hurt and he was afraid.

When Victor looked up into his mothers warm hazel eyes, she looked sad.

Victor learned about soulmates and soul aches that day.

*

Growing up was a challenge for Yuuri. His sister always told him he felt things to deeply. He knew she was right.

By the age of 10, Yuuri was considered somewhat of an outcast by his peers.

Most children knew about soulmates and the deep ache that accompanied them. However, some had yet to experience some of the symptoms of soul aches. Whereas the other half had already met their soulmates, so they were the lucky few that didn’t have to experience the increasingly painful symptoms.

For Yuuri, he experienced more soul symptoms then most adults even dealt with.

It had become a common fact that if you had a class with Yuuri, you would problem experience him having an ‘attack’ as the teachers put it. It happened frequently.

Yuuri tried to suppress the outburst of crying or the occasional panic attack, but he struggled to do so.

It was easier to hide the depression and anxiety that Yuuri had begun to experience.

His parents began to worry about Yuuri as they saw his symptoms progressively getting worse. They didn’t know what to do. None of the specialists they’ve spoken to could do anything. They just recommended he find something to distract himself from the overwhelming pain.

That was initially how Yuuri had come across ice skating.

Ballet was his first distraction, but Yuuri struggled with the elegancy of the dance when he cringed and ached all throughout Minako’s lessons.

Minako-sensei had been the one to suggest ice skating.

When Yuuri was 7, he put on his first pair of ice skates and wobbled his way onto the chilly ice.

And for once, Yuuri could breathe.

It wasn’t obvious at first. As Yuuri fumbled his way through his first steps, trying to find his balance, his mind had been distracted from the ache in his body.

Once Yuuri felt confident that he wouldn’t fall, he glided across the ice, a smile light across his cheeks. He felt happy for the first time in a long time.

It almost hurt stepping of the ice when it had been time to leave.

Yet it had been the catalyst Yuuri had been looking for.

Yuuri all but ran home to his parents and begged them for ice skating lessons that day.

As his parents gazed down at their flushed child, looking so much healthier then they had seen him in years, it had been an easy decision.

*

For as long as Victor could remember, he had always been ice skating. Every time winter rolled around, Victor’s mother would bring him to the outdoor skating rink.

Ice skating had always been fun and soothing to Victor. He didn’t realize how important ice skating was until he was 9 years old and he had had a _very_ bad day.

Victor had been at school and he had what the teachers called ‘a mild panic attack’.

There was nothing mild to it. Victor remembered as he was sat in class learning about something he didn’t real care for when all of a sudden he broken down into tears and his chest felt like it was about to break open. He had never felt so much pain before.

It had taken him nearly an hour to calm down. Even though the tears had stopped, Victor still felt the aching inside him that never seemed to go away.

As Victor walked home after his traumatizing school day, the ache that was once a dull throbbing was now a strong twinge deep in his bones. His eyes skirted across the bright, snow dusted landscape, eventually landing on the outdoor ice rink nestled on the outskirts of the park.

It was on impulse that Victor went to the rink.

And he was forever grateful that he did.

Lacing his skates onto his feet, Victor felt the pain beginning to ease.

Stepping onto the ice, Victor felt nothing but the cool air brushing his cheeks, and the ice scraping below his skates.

Victor took a deep breath and smiled.

*

Yuuri’s love for the ice grew just as his own body did. For Yuuri, the ice was a temporary respite from the pain he felt deep within himself. It was the only place he didn’t have to fear anything.

The ice allowed Yuuri a breath of fresh air. It was a chance for him to clear his mind and for his aching soul to ease.

His love towards the ice naturally progressed into a desire to become a figure skater. As he skated around the rink, practicing his jumps and spins, it seemed like the only logical choice for Yuuri.

It wasn’t always easy. Even though Yuuri felt better being on the ice, stepping off of the ice only made things worse.

His chest still filled with an ache he could never seem to ease. New worries began piling onto Yuuri’s already existing anxieties.

Yuuri believed that his soulmate somehow had to be connected to the ice. He didn’t understand it really, but he knew that they were one in the same.

Believing that only brought about worries of incompetence that he would never be good enough and that he would never improve as a figure skater. Logically he knew that those thoughts were his soul ache worrying itself, yet it still affected him regardless.

Yuuri knew he was a good skater. His friends had told him just that. Everyone from his family, to his friends, and instructors all believed that Yuuri was well suited for the ice.

So Yuuri had to put faith in what everyone was telling him, even if he found it hard to believe it himself.

By the age of 12, Yuuri’s soul was aching to the point where he found it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.

It had become a struggle to go throughout the day. The only thing pushing Yuuri was the knowledge that in a few hours, he could be on the ice practicing his routine.

One evening when Yuuri was having an exceptionally bad day, he pushed his way into his local ice rink. All he wanted was to feel the relief of the chilly air, and ice beneath his feet.

His friend Yuko stopped him before he made it that far.

She was excited. Yuuri was fond of Yuko. She was a good friend to Yuuri, always encouraging him to do his best and never judging him when he showed signs of his soul aching.

“Yuuri come look at this!” She exclaimed pointing at the television inside the rinks lobby.

Yuuri wandered over to his friend, forcing a smile as she enthusiastically pointed at the screen.

“The Junior World Championship was yesterday.” Yuko began speaking “Look, that’s Victor Nikiforov, he’s the winner. He’s only 16 and already breaking world records! He’s incredible!”

Yuuri looked at the screen and watched the beautiful older boy leap into a triple toe loop.

 _He’s good._ Yuuri thought to himself. His eyes were practically glued to the screen as they replayed Victor’s routine.

The Russian skater smiled a dazzling smile at the camera as he came to a stop in the center of the rink.

“Yuuri are you okay?” Yuko asked with concern leaking into her voice.

Looking over at his friend, Yuuri smiled.

It was a genuine smile.

*

Victor wanted to spend as much time on the ice.

It was easy to do so when he decided to become a figure skater.

At first his desire was made on a whim. He never thought he would be good enough to make it a career.

Several years later, Victor was glad he made the decision.

Victor was 17 when he made his senior figure skating debut. He was good. Record breaking good.

Figure skating had become Victor’s life. He was in love with the ice and in love with the feeling he had whenever he was on the ice.

Victor just knew that his soulmate was connected to the ice. It wasn’t a matter of really questioning how he knew, it just was. If anything, it simply increased his love towards figure skating. Deep down, Victor believed that if he continued skating, he would one day meet the person that would ease his pain.

The pain itself had only increased throughout the years. Victor didn’t experience soul symptoms like most do. Whereas most experienced anxiety and depression, some had panic attacks; others barely registered any symptoms at all.

Victor had only two panic attacks when he was younger.

For Victor, he dealt primarily with a crippling sense of fear on top of the deep, burning ache within his body.

Often times before a competition, Victor’s fear flared its ugly head. He never really understood what he was afraid of, but it still affected him.

It wasn’t until he stepped on the ice did his fears ease.

*

At the age of 23, Yuuri had become a successful figure skater.

Or at least that’s what his coach and rink mates liked to tell him.

Sure Yuuri was one of the best figure skaters in Japan, but he still was leagues away from being as good as most professional skaters.

After Yuuri turned had 18, he was grateful that he was able to dedicated most of his time to his figure skating.

It helped him to have something to focus on from day to day. It allowed him time to forget the aching in his body, to forget the worries plaguing his mind.

His hard work had paid off by the age of 23. He had successfully made it to the Grand Prix Finals where he would be competing for the first time.

Everything was starting to go well for Yuuri. He had qualified for the Grand Prix Finals after winning silver and gold at his Grand Prix assignments. Yuuri’s routines were being praised for his captivating step sequences and graceful jumps. And to top it all off, he hadn’t experienced any major panic attacks within the past year.

So Yuuri should have expected for something to go wrong.

Yuuri just never expected to receive a call from his mother to tell him that his beloved dog had passed away the night before the Grand Prix Finals began.

He honestly tried to settle his mind after he received the call, but his soul ache flared up more than it had in over a year. Yuuri tried to calm his aching body by skating, yet even the ice couldn’t offer him any relief.

After eating his weight in food and falling asleep much later than he needed too, Yuuri felt like everything he was working towards was slowly falling apart.

The morning of his short program, Coach Celestino came to wake Yuuri up to begin practice. Yuuri opened the door with droopy eyes and tear tracks staining his cheeks.

Yuuri didn’t say much to his coach. He just followed him to the gymnasium to begin his practice.

His mind was so plagued with anxiety for the finals and for the loss of his dog that he stumbled his way through practice.

Time that day went too quickly. Before Yuuri knew it, he was stepping out onto the ice for his performance.

With one last shot, Yuuri tried to calm his nerves and clear his mind.

The music started and Yuuri began to skate.

It was a disaster.

Yuuri knew he hadn’t done well. He couldn’t land any of his jumps and his mind was distracted from the story he was trying to convey.

Stepping off the ice, Yuuri was disappointed in his performance. He already knows his score will be low. He doesn’t need a panel of judges to tell him that.

As he looked up after placing his blade guards on, he met the eyes of his long time idol, Victor Nikiforov. There was a look in Victor’s eyes that Yuuri couldn’t quiet place. Besides, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see Victor’s reaction to his terrible performance.

So instead he turned away and made his way to the Kiss and Cry with Celestino.

Yuuri didn’t realize at the time that the pain he was feeling was not from his soul.

For once, his soul did not hurt.

*

Victor always assumed that all he needed in life was figure skating.

Skating was the only thing that eased his pain enough for it to be bearable. Skating gave him a purpose in life, something to strive for and dedicate his time to.

Victor didn’t need anything else.

Or so he thought.

That was until he watched Yuuri skate at the Grand Prix Finals and his soul soared with happiness and joy and _life_.

At first, Victor assumed that he was just having a good day. Waking up that morning, he felt refreshed and ready to perform his short program.

Moments before his performance, Victor realized that he wasn’t feeling the normal overwhelming sense of fear that he always expected before he stepped onto the ice.

His head felt light and his body didn’t ache.

Looking into the crowds of people, Victor began to wonder if _they_ were out there somewhere. A smile graced his lips as he stepped onto the ice and gave one of his best performances to date.

Slowing to a halt in the center of the ice, Victor scanned the crowd looking for that one person he has been looking for since he was 5 years old. Victor didn’t want to step off the ice. He didn’t want to feel the fear creeping into his mind again. His own mind wondering if it had just been a lapse in his symptoms and his soulmate wasn’t there to see his performance.

But as he stepped off the ice, his body, mind and soul remained the same. Everything felt wonderful.

Victor was in the Kiss and Cry as his scored was announced. His eyes traveled across the crowd when his eyes landed on the trembling body of the next skater to perform.

Yuuri Katsuki.

He knew about Yuuri Katsuki only in what he read online and through his scores over the past few competitions.

However as he looked at the shaking skater, Victor was intrigued. His heart began beating quicker, almost in time with the roar of the crowd, as Yuuri skated to the center of the ice.

Victor watched as Yuuri performed.

There were mistakes. A lot of them. Even so, Victor couldn’t take his eyes off the man.

It wasn’t until Yuuri stepped off the ice and looked up at Victor did the older man begin to understand.

It was as if someone had set his insides on fire. His body burned.

The fire Victor felt within his body was nothing like the ache that he had grown accustomed too. This burn was warm and gentle. Everything in Victor’s body screamed with excitement and his heart felt like it had grown wings and would soar out of his chest.

Victor had never felt so good in his life.

Victor looked for Yuuri Katsuki afterwards.

He looked the following day before _and_ after his free skate.

It was like this mysterious man had all but disappeared. Victor could feel when the man was close; he could feel the thrumming in his bones leading him to the Japanese skater. Yet no matter how hard he looked, he still couldn’t find him.

Not until the banquet the night after the medal ceremony did Victor see Yuuri again.

*

Really all Yuuri wanted to do was get drunk and forget everything that’s happened within the past 48 hours.

Coach Celestino had dragged Yuuri to the banquet the night after the Grand Prix Final ended. Yuuri had original intended on skipping the whole affair in favor of eating his weight in ice cream and nursing a bottle of whatever alcohol he could find first, all while watching sappy romance movies on Netflix.

However the pounding on Yuuri’s hotel door wouldn’t go away no matter how much he begged Celestino to stop. So instead, he put on his well worn suit and went to the banquet with every intention of getting black out drunk.

Only four flutes of champagne into his night and Yuuri was already feeling better than he had before. There was a pleasant numbness coursing through his body.

Yuuri went to gulp down his fifth flute of alcohol when he stopped.

His body was warm and buzzing with alcohol. That was all Yuuri could feel. He couldn’t feel _anything_ else, no sign of his soul hurting him.

Scrunching up his face, Yuuri turned to face the room of skaters, coaches, and figure skating officials. His eyes roamed the room looking for _something_.

Thinking back on it, Yuuri hadn’t realized at the time that his body hadn’t ached in the past few days. Not since he arrived in Sochi.

He was thinking too much. Yuuri drank his champagne and took a step towards the crowd of people. It was like his body was moving on its own.

The champagne had been stronger than he had anticipated, Yuuri thought as he staggered a little uneasily through the crowd of people.

A man stepped in front of Yuuri. He tried to move out of the way, but instead stumbled backwards and bumped into something. Turning around, Yuuri flushed a brilliant pink.

It was just his luck that he’d accidently bump into Victor.

He had spent a great deal of time avoiding the Russian man after he witnessed his disastrous short program. Now standing before the older man, and looking up into his cool blue eyes, Yuuri doesn’t remember why he avoided him in the first place.

Victor smiled down at Yuuri. Yuuri’s already flushed cheeks grew brighter.

“Hello Yuuri.” Victor greeted. “Would you like to dance?”

Yuuri gapped up at Victor and his now extended hand as the older man waited for Yuuri to take hold.

He wanted to say no.

Yet he didn’t.

Instead he reached out and took hold of Victor’s hand.

It made sense after that. As Victor lead Yuuri out onto the dance floor and circled his arms around the smaller man. Yuuri felt his body relax against Victor’s body.

Yuuri had never felt so good.

**Author's Note:**

> another soulmate au... man i love these.  
> i feel like this was better in my head?? anyway i hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


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